Worn out.
Like an old, raggedy ass t shirt, I feel worn out. I talked to @tylertui last night, cause I was pretty upset. I was upset at myself, upset at others, and just angry at life. I put a lot of shit on to the table, and it was a lot to take in. I don’t know, something in my head clicked. Like, a big life lesson. And I just started crying. Tyler, thanks for your friendship. Thanks for talking to me when I was upset, and constantly checking up on me. Thanks for caring about MY well being. You always seem to know just what to say to make me feel better. I don’t feel pressured around you, and you’re just an incredible friend.
I’ve realized that I have a lot of thinking to do. Certain people need to be deleted from my life, because it is causing stress. And it’s damaging my well being.
I need to start looking out for myself more.
I could give two shits about your past.
All I care about is the present. I feel that no one’s past should affect who they are, or have become, today. It isn’t fair to judge someone based off of what they’ve done previously. Unless they’re a murderer.
That doesn’t count.
Everyone has the chance to evolve to become a better person.
Give people a chance.
[I guess I somewhat have a little faith in humanity]
Bite your tongue.
I had to bite my tongue tonight. I do love my mother with all my heart. But I’m tired of being yelled at constantly. I feel like a constant disappointment to her, even though I’m trying my best as a son to prove to her that I can be who she wants me to be. I’m trying to help more around the house. I am doing more. I’m taking initiative. I’m doing things without being told. I’m bringing home groceries. I’m working double shifts, then I get to come home to be yelled at for being irresponsible and lazy? That’s not very fair. I’m trying my best. I’m a human too. We’re all equals in the universe. I have so much on my plate, with finances, with bills, with school, working double shifts, all while trying to please everyone under the sun. After being yelled at, I bit my tongue. I teared up. Not because of how hard I bit my tongue, but because of how hard it was to hide the pain of being constantly reminded of how much of a disappointment I am. I literally faked a smile for a whole hour, pretending like I was okay, smiling, laughing, and happily doing whatever she told me to do. But tonight, she kind of broke me. It’s not the end though. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I know I’m doing whats right. In my heart.
